I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
