I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
