I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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