And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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