I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
