And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
