Your mouth is God's brothel.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize