I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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