Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
