omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
