I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
