I think my fart just growled at me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
