I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
