My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
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Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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