I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
