this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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