where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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