every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
