You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
