Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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