He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
