Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
