Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
