Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
