i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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