wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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