halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
