i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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