i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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