i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
