Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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