Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
