Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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