All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
