Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
