So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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