just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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