It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
