Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
