WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
