i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize