im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
