I wish I only lived at night.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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