Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize