I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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