Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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