You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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