Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
