dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
