When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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