the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Randomize
