i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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