I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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